Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
