Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
