somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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