I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize