I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
