If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Oh god it's open bar.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
