I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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