You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
