stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
