I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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