i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
