You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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