Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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