Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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