So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize