I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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