I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize