Me. At least after what I've been through.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
