Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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