I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
