saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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