ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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