i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize