Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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