We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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