U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
