I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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