So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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