I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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