So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
We're not piercing ourselves today.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
