you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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