Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
