dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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