coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
my poor anus
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
