There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
