3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
