She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
