ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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