God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
