the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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