Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
