I can text with my tongue
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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