Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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