2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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