Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
