Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
