I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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