I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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