I am in a vortex of obligation.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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