My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
