just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
