ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
