Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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