the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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