She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
