My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
