I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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