just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
