I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
