no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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