9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize