Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
