she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
im on a boat
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