I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
