You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
