She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
