You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
