Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
