mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
