But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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