anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
