Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he was CRYING into my vagina
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
