Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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