Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
