oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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