went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
