I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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