I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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