whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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