Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
