Banned from zoo.
Again?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
