fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
