You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
