I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
