Taylor Swift is so right about you.
wanna go halves on a baby?
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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