Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
