Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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