No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Randomize