I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
