That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
