yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
