better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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