Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
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