I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
