would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
