when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just cut my nipple shaving
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
