well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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