I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
