We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
