omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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