non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
