Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
handjob tips. give me some.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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